See You in South Korea

I have to apologize for my lack of post last week. I was at the Justin Timberlake concert and didn’t have the time to watch the last episode until about 2 hours ago. Couple of notes: I don’t want to hear Elise say “Chelsie’s, like, a little girl.” any more. There is nothing wrong with Chelsie. She is exuberant, and excited about life. And she’s a teacher, so she’s probably pretty good with kids. So she’d make a a good step-mom.

Kelly is a much better human being than I am. I would have gone back upstairs and probably suggested face masks and pore strips before we went downstairs to find JP making us breakfast. “OOPS I had no idea ;-)”

When Juan Pablo throws a pool party, and you don’t get enough attention, you DO NOT go hide in the bathroom! You’re doing this ALL WRONG CLARE!!!

Christy has been nowhere to be found for the last two weeks, but was prominently featured in the rose ceremony… When in the name of all things healthy did she develop that eating disorder? I hope she goes home and drowns her sorrows in a pint of Chunky Monkey!

On to South Korea!!!

It’s the week where everyone starts to realize living in a house with 13 girls who are all dating your boyfriend IS NOT NORMAL!!!

The girls head to South Korea, and good godmother do they come with a lot of stuff!! Each girl is traveling with AT LEAST 3 suitcases. The first group date is Cassandra, Danielle, Kat, Elise, Chelsie, and Nikki. They’re going to dance with Korean’s version of the Spice Girls (according to JP) which is convenient because Cassandra was a dancer for an NBA team (and has an NBA baby daddy, thus the very large toddler) and Kat apparently put herself through school by dancing (this is my assumption based upon her hip shaking, not a factually based statement.). Nikki is NOT a dancer! But everyone else has a grand olde time with it. Kat even makes up her own choreo, and Chelsie suggests she should stay.

We get to the after party, and the claws are coming out. Nikki is apparently “the most negative girl in the house.” If that’s true the editing team is winning right now, because I don’t see it. But that’s also because I enjoy her. A lot! Nikki admits she’s a great diaper changer, which is a little weird because Camilla is not in diapers anymore. At least, I hope not since she’s 5. But I suppose she’s selling herself as his next baby mama. They keep showing Danielle, and I keep saying “I forgot she was even here!” Not a good sign! Nikki is getting the rose. Again! “I think everyone hates me right now.” Well Nikki, Haters gonna hate!

Sharleen is getting the one-on-one date. They go exploring a market together, and this feels so natural! He wants to hear her sing, but she says it’s not the place and then calls him “not bland”. She also says he’s more fun than expected, and she borders on glowing when she says it. I respect her reasons for not wanting to sing, but home-girl is amaze-balls. And if I were her I would sing every sentence I ever spoke. Can we talk about the lip bite that just happened?! These two and their chemistry! Sharleen has grown on me a lot, because she is rational about this whole process. I respect that. The idea that someone is in love and ready to propose after 6 weeks is preposterous. I appreciate how real she is, but I think the girls in the house (now hotel?) are taking it the wrong way. I think these two understand each other because they’ve been in similar, unfamiliar surroundings. She is very, very smitten with him. We get to the nitty-gritty here and he asks the kid question. She’s very honest with him, and I think he respects her honesty so he gives her the rose. The girls will be shocked!!! (See above for a shocked face.)

The other group date is about to get ‘Krazy in Korea,’ so I assume this date was planned by the Kardashians. Clare, Renee, Kelly, Andi, Alli,and Lauren S. all go downtown for some fun. They go karaoke, then walking around, and then they get the fish pedicure. I am so jealous! They leave and try octopus and Clare is nervous. I think she just wants attention. He grabs Renee first at dinner and she thinks tonight would be a good night for him to kiss her. I definitely respect that he’s not planning on kissing anyone on the group date. They’re all there, and it’s weird when they’re vicariously swapping lip gloss! If there is one tip I could give these girls it would be this: Do Not recount all of the women you think he’s already kissed. It’s like recounting your drinks the morning after a bachelorette party. Not a good idea!! Lauren is a sad panda because he won’t kiss her. For the record, much like Danielle on the first date, I keep forgetting she’s there! When she starts crying by the elevator I feel like it’s Victoria all over again. She stays, even though the girls think it’s a negative conversation. Clare would like to remind you that it’s been a long time since she had alone time with Juan Pablo. He really likes her, and I really don’t. But there’s always one, right? Andi gets the rose, and Clare is ANGRY!!!

At the Rose Ceremony JP can sense that the girls are getting tense. Every time Clare opens her mouth I feel like she practiced it 100 times in the mirror. Nikki comes up during Clare’s alone time after everyone is appalled. I think Clare and Nikki are about to cat-scratch this out. There is an awful lot of finger pointing going on, and I think they’re right in that what happens in the house shouldn’t be brought up to Juan Pablo unless it’s totally detrimental to someone’s safety. If a girl is just being catty then fine, but do not waste your alone time talking about the other girls. You only end up looking juvenile, and it’s not a look any guy really likes. Especially not a guy with a daughter.

We’re going to the roses! Nikki, Sharleen, and Andi are safe:
Clare (The death stare from Nikki was amazing!)
Ladies, Juan Pablo, this is the final rose tonight. (Duh!)

We lose Elise and Lauren S. I was pretty sure Lauren was going home, but Elise kind of surprised me. Oh well, I won’t miss her negativity.

The scenes for next week look REALLLLLLY interesting. I’m a worst case scenario kind of person, so I’m assuming Clare goes to his room to give him access to her goalie box. (I know very little about soccer, so excuse me if that’s not a relevant lady part reference.)

See you all next week!!

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