This week we’re in Vietnam and all the commercials point to Clare being a WHORE-ible person. They get to Vietnam and Renee gets the first one-on-one date. These two just work so well together. There is a level of comfort, but I worry this could quickly slip in to friend territory. I also cannot decide if I respect the fact that she won’t make the first move, or if I’m annoyed that she won’t buck up and pucker up. The fact that Juan Pablo doesn’t want to kiss her yet either, is respectable, but also makes me worry that this screams FRIEND ZONE!!!

Andi’s insecurity of not having had a one-on-one yet is really getting old, quickly. There are several of you who haven’t had the opportunity yet. So instead of pouting, you should enjoy the time you’re getting with him. The group date was ridiculous. It’s like Juan Pablo and Clare had 8 chaperons. If Juan Pablo wanted a one-on-one date with Clare he should have asked her on one. The other girls have every right to dislike her. He invites her to his suite when they get back from dinner, and now the girls are really annoyed. She ends up with the rose, NOT SURPRISED!!! And then, after basically making today her one-on-one date, she sneaks off to his suite because she’s always wanted to go swimming on a warm, hot ocean. Or some other excuse to get Juan Pablo in a bathing suit, in the water. I do not like her, but I will say “well played, harlot. Well played.” She gives him a one way ticket in the tunnel of love, and I’m judging. HARSHLY. I don’t care how much you’re attracted to his sexy, Spanish self, if I’ve learned anything from the Millionaire Matchmaker it’s this: you always wait for monogamy. ALWAYS!! Because now the chase is off, you’ve already given him the goods and that moves you to the back of the line, not the front of it.

Nikki’s one-on-one is a trip to hell. So that’s fun. Of course she’s afraid of heights, because apparently these girls haven’t realized that when the producers ask for your fears they’re probably going to put you in that position at some point. If you’re planning on auditioning and you have a crippling fear of heights, or painfully awful disdain for snakes, don’t mention in. I repeat, DO NOT MENTION IT!!! By the grace of God, Nikki and Juan Pablo make it to the bottom of the cave. They get to dinner and she answers the tough question, “I think I am responsible and mature enough to be a stepmom.” ANNNNND, she gets the rose! She admits she might be falling, which I start to expect at this point in the game.

We’re headed to the juicy stuff now, and I don’t mean Clare’s lady-bits because I already mentioned those. What’s he going to say to Clare?? The suspense is killing me. If I weren’t hungover from the Super Bowl, I’d probably need a glass of wine. The ladies get boated in to the Rose Ceremony. Clare says she “likes the way their relationship is developing, and she’s ready to open herself up.” You did that already, Clare, and you admit it with your toast “Finding Love, Being in Love, and Making Love.” Trollop. Andi needs to wipe the bitch look off her face. He likes you, stop pouting. I think Cassandra is really awkward, all she does is laugh and smile. I don’t feel like I’ve heard her complete a sentence in a while now. Renee FINALLY gets her kiss. She is so giddy about this, and it makes me feel like they’re moving away from the friendzone.

Clare is really happy about seeing him, and he’s really not thrilled seeing her. “What would I do if there was no one else around?” But there are other people around! And he has a daughter, and that’s a horrible example for her. Not that I really think a 5-year-old should be watching the Bachelor. Juan Pablo basically admits he regrets giving her a ride on his pogo stick, and she’s “blindsided”, and her feelings are hurt. So she cries, and tells everyone it’s allergies. But Juan Pablo goes looking for her, and I’m really over these two so I’m going to stop ranting.

So, we go to the roses:
Renee
Clare
Nikki
Sharleen
Cassandra
Chelsie
Kat
Ladies, Juan Pablo this is the final rose. (Trust me Chris, they all know!)
Andi

So we lose Kelly, Alli, and Danielle. I’m going to miss Kelly, I loved her sense of humor. Juan Pablo cries, so that’s sad.