Meet the Meat


Yes, I will be following the Bachelorette. I’m excited to see where this season takes Andi. I always liked her on The Bachelor, and I think it’ll be fun to watch her on the other side of this little thing called “love”.

The first thing you should know is SHE IS READY TO FALL IN LOVE!!! She’s also fully prepared to be engaged by summer, and I think you all know how I feel about the expectations of a proposal come the end of a 6-week courtship. Ridic. But, I won’t be cynical, #YAYLOVE. Andi’s sister comes to visit, and help her get ready for her first night, and the first step toward finding the person she’ll spend the rest of her life with. Her sister praises her for doing this and we have our first tear sighting of the season. She’s wearing a fabulous dress, so her wardrobe is off to a great start. Sooo…. let’s meet the meat.

Marcus, 25 – He’s really cute, he might be a little young though.

Chris, – Midwesterner, he seems genuine.

JJ, 30 – He’s a nerd, and I kind of like that.

marquel, 26 – “Miss Andi” what is she? his preschool teacher?

Tasos, 30 – I don’t approve of his super skinny suit, but I do approve of his “lock bridge” thing. Stupid cute. She is a little smitten.

Cody, 28 – He’s pushing the limo, I just can’t.

Steven, 30 – He’s very cute, I like his laid-back personality. He’s going to teach her to surf.

Rudie, 30 – Attorney vs. attorney, they’ll get each other on a level that no one else will understand. We have a nickname, Rudie the Attorney.

Carl, 30 – He brought a gift!!! Love this, he’s adorable.

Jason, 35 – He’s a doctor. And I don’t like his hair, or his cheesy pickup line.

Nick V., 33 – Polka dot tie, what what? I approve. Fun fact we learn later in the evening, he has 10 siblings.

Dylan, 26 – He’s not awful to look at, and is super nervous. I hope he settles down a little, he’s cute.

Patrick, 29 – I approve of this match, he’s super cute.

Emil, 33 – He seems pretty natural, until the Emil/Anal joke.

Brett, 29 – LAMP THIEF!! I don’t think I like this. He’s quirky, I’m not sure they’ll work.

Craig, 29 – I’d put money on him being a frat boy. Champagne showers straight out of the limo.

Ron, 28 – He seems very chill.

Bradley, 32 – He’s a singer, he’s going to sing to her later.

Josh B, 29 – He’s normal.

Nick S, 27 – Nick is a professional golfer, and a professional partier, I’d guess.

Brian, 27 – He’s a little nervous, they’re really sweet together.

Andrew, 30 – I can’t decide if he’s charming or smarmy. I’ll call him Smarming

Mike, 29 – There are a lot of long haired guys here, I wonder if that was a request on her part. People call him “camps”? I hope we get an explanation on that one. He gives her his number.

Eric, 31 – He’s adorable, and I’m very sad he died. I’m instantly attached to him. Dolls from the Andes Mountains? Gush.

Josh M., 29 – I’m a sucker for baseball players, so he’s moving to the top of the charts. Her face tells me she’s a sucker for baseball players too.

Now we’ll really get to know some of them as she heads in to talk to everyone. The thing that’s different here is the guys go into friend mode with each other, where, on The Bachelor, the girls turn the room into a middle school cafeteria. Andi’s very comfortable,

Josh Plays a Quick Game
Josh pulls her aside first, he’s her type, but I think he’d be anyone’s type at first glance. She also admits that her type may be why she’s still single, so she’s keeping an eye on him. I think I speak for everyone when I say, we’re all keeping an eye on him.

Marquel’s a Cookie Monster
cookie monster
Marquel loves cookies, it’s the love of his life right now. He’s brought a sampling of cookies that are obviously from a grocery store, because I’ve had those sugar cookies with the pink frosting. They’re delicious, but I’m not sure you have to be a cookie connoisseur to like them.

First Impression Rose
red elephant
Chris just brought in the first-impression rose and it’s like a giant red elephant walked into the room and sat on the coffee table.  (I wrote this before Brian called it the elephant in the room, just an FYI.)

chris b
Chris Bukowski, from Emily’s season on the Bachelorette, is the new Kacie B. and shows up demanding to meet Andi. Because, you know, the information on where and when they’re filming just gets sent out in an email, JUST IN CASE someone wants to show up. I guess the where is a given, especially if you’ve been to the house for The Bachelor/Bachelorette AND Bachelor Pad. Your fifteen minutes are up, Chris Bukowski.

I Smell a BROMANCE!!! 
did we just...

There’s an obvious bromance happening between Smarming and Patrick. They’re both marketers, and they get each other. I love bromances, they’re my favorite. I hope they both stick around long enough to consummate their love.

Andi’s NOT Impressed
not impressed
Andi is not impressed by Chris’s display of interest. She decides to protect the other guys in the house, and not meet Chris, who’s been at the house for Emily and Bachelor Pad. He’s been out here for 7 days, on his own, apparently just showing up at the house on the daily, hoping they were filming. I liked him on Emily’s season, I do not like him anymore. Chris leaves begrudgingly, but he leaves.

Future FamersOnly Spokesperson?
Chris (there are too many Chris’ to follow right now) is a farmer, something about him is really quite adorable. If this doesn’t work out he can go be the spokesperson for (yes, that’s a thing.)

Here we go with the roses:
Nick V. (First Impression Rose)
Josh M.
Gentlemen, Andi this is the final rose tonight
Nick S.

Reject Recap
hair flip
She did not keep any of the long-haired fellas, or the attorneys. Attorney Rudie reminds me of Mark Ruffalo, only his face doesn’t move. Josh B. thinks this whole thing was embarrassing, I’m not sure it was that embarrassing until he went off on his tirade to get an extra 30 seconds on tape.

Here’s to a Great Season!
hand clap
Good news everyone, in the scenes from this season we do get the obligatory “I’m in this for everything, and if you’re not then you should leave.” and Andi saying she’s done. Prepare yourselves, and your wine glasses, looks like we’re in for a long drunk season.



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