Broke Back Bachelors

This week’s episode picks up where last week left off, and the bromance is about to end. Secretly, I was hoping for one more week so it could (hopefully) end violently, but to no avail.

Kaitlyn pulls Clint aside and he immediately goes on the defensive, she calls him out on that, and eventually asks him to leave. They go inside so Clint can say his goodbyes, and the biggest shock happens when JJ, Clint’s Broke-Back-Bachelor-Boyfriend, tells Clint he thinks he should apologize to everyone (hide your kids, hide your wife, get your popcorn!). It almost gets violent between Clint and JJ as death threats are tossed around, but in the end Clint leaves without much of an incident.

Kaitlyn then decides to not have a rose ceremony, and keep all the guys currently on the show. Chris Harrison tells everyone to pack their bags because they’re headed for New York City.

On the first group date Kaitlyn takes the guys to have a rap battle (SPOILER ALERT: the guys are all terrible, all of them! Fast forward and save yourself from this butchering.) But after the rap battles Kaitlyn goes to say ‘Hi!’ to Ashley I (Kardashley from last season), and then runs into Nick V. from Andi’s season. Apparently they have made some connection through social media, and she’s seriously considering keeping him. Personally, I think he’s a tool and I’d prefer that they nip the Bachelor incestuousness in the bud. But it’s not up to me.

The guys are not happy when she tells them she’s considering allowing Nick to be on the show. She spends very little time with the guys on the group date (at least based on the editing), but she gives Justin the rose and then leaves. I assume she’s going back to her room to dream up some fairytale life with Nick V. (seriously though, I don’t understand the appeal.)

nick vKaitlyn gets her hair done by Ashley S. (the crazy one from Prince Farming’s season), and Ashley actually gives her some pretty sound advice. I think Nick is still going to end up on the show because “they kissed and it was undeniable”.

Nick does end up on the show, and I just need to take this moment to say his smile totally creeps me out. She feels the need to explore this, and I’d like to take this moment to say I don’t understand the attraction to Nick V. when she’s got the guys she does. If she wants Nick V., I’ll happily take Ben Z. off her hands. Happily. Seriously, has she seen him?
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Kaitlyn is about to head out on a date with Jared. I did not understand the attraction to Jared until I saw him on this date. Admittedly, I have missed the first three episodes because of travel, and last week was the first episode I watched. They have the MET to themselves, and he writes her some silly-cute poem. They then take a helicopter tour of New York at night, it’s a really cool date and they seem super in to each other.

The Bachelor keeps teasing ‘Are Britt and Brady still together?’ and I’ll tell you right now Britt and Brady will be together as long as The Bachelor wants to check in on them.

There is some pretty dramatic music when we return from commercial, and it’s because Kaitlyn is going to tell the guys she decided to let Nick be on the show. It gets icy in the room as she tells the guys Nick will be moving in with the guys that night. He will not get a date, but he will be a part of the rose ceremony (i.e. he’s probably getting a rose, ahem, Ben Z. call me!)

I love when they show up these dates and The Bachelor/Bachelorette says, ‘I’ve got a great date planned.’ Just once I want to hear them say, ‘welp, tonight’s date is going to suck.’

1369728879Tonight’s date includes learning a song and dance from Aladdin, and the performer who does the best job will be cast as Kaitlyn’s love interest and the couple will make their Broadway debut together. None of the guys can dance, it’s pretty painful. And it only gets worse when they start singing. It comes down to the singing and Cupcake Chris is selected. He gets to stick around and perform with Kaitlyn and the rest of the guys have to go back to the hotel and watch Nick move his stuff in.

Chris, the dentist, says he can relate to the story of a Aladdin (the street rat who wins the heart of the princess). I have a hard time believing the dentist can really be equated to a street rat. Rat’s don’t have nice teeth… soooo, yeah.

In the ‘Coming Up’ portion before the commercial break they show Nick wandering the streets of New York for like the 100th time this episode. I just feel like the deal was if he could find his way to the hotel he could move in with the other guys. The struggle is real for Nick. Struggle is real.

With six minutes left in the episode it is becoming pretty evident that we are not getting a rose ceremony to end tonight’s episode. I firmly believe we will not have a rose ceremony at the end of any episode this season, except the finale.

Kaitlyn and Chris are now also walking the streets of New York (how fun would it be if they ran into Nick?!) and they end up on top of a building with the New Year’s Eve ball.

I hope no one was playing a drinking game where they drank every time Nick looked lost in New York. If you were, you probably won’t make it to the end of this episode. He makes it into the room and then the door closes and we will have to wait until next week.

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I hope you all enjoyed tonight’s episode! I think the next drinking game that could be implemented is drinking every time Kaitlyn makes a strange noise, the girl is a walking cartoon character, I’m sure of it.

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