Bachelor-Recap: The Bekah-Bombshell

We have 15 contestants left and 6 of them are blonde. I’m still going to refer to them by numbers so try and keep up.

This week we’re moving out of the house and heading to Tahoe and the ladies are SO. EXCITED. to go to Tahoe and spend time with Arie, one-on-one. Who wants to tell them there’s only two one-on-one dates?

One-on-One with Sienne: Let’s let our love soar…

Sienne gets the first one-on-one date and the card says “Let’s let our love soar…” The girls all scream like they’re actually excited for someone else getting tonsil-hockey time with Arie. Kudos for your efforts girls but I don’t believe your excitement for even a second.  Blonde #6 thinks that Sienne is going home and I’ve honestly never wanted anyone to stay more, just so Blonde #6 can be wrong.

Sienne and Arie head out and the creepers at the house discover binoculars and allegedly know how to use them. They get to watch Arie and Sienne go para-sailing. Suckers. Sienne mentions she’s really starting to “like” Arie, but she can’t use the “L” word yet. Face meet palm. It’s week 4, no one should be using the “L” word yet. They arrive at dinner and Sienne compliments his winking abilities and then asks why he hasn’t been in love in five years. Girl gets right to nitty-gritty. She tells him about her insecurities in being here. Sienne, I understand that you didn’t see a ton of love stories about people like you (her exact words, not mine), but please stop discounting yourself. He is into you. Also, stop licking your teeth. It’s distracting. She gets the rose and they go into a LANCO concert and we get to watch their first dance on someone’s cell phone screen. Neither of them can dance. Literally, neither of them.

Congratulations you survived
Group Date: Will Our Love Survive

Group Dates are always the best. It’s when the claws come out. Today they’re going hiking and I hope someone pushes someone off a cliff. They pretend to drink urine, actually eat bugs, and Arie and Blonde #2 sneak off to make out in the falling snow. I don’t hate Blonde #2 but Blonde #6 sure does. The steam coming off her skin will help keep them all warm if they get lost in the snowy mountains. Eventually everyone makes it to the oasis, strips down to bathing suits and they pop bottles in a hot tub. Blonde #6 really wants everyone to know she’s above the juvenile behavior in the house. She’s almost 30.

Post-Oasis the girls up their hair and makeup game and cuddle by the fire place. Just them, and their boyfriend, like a cozy little polygamist family. It is very clear that all of them hate Blonde #6, and she doesn’t really like them either. Production clearly upped the liquor budget today because Blonde #6 has been drankin’ and I feel like she’s trying really hard not to throw up. But like, she like, comes from like, a place of like, love, and like, she’s like, almost 30 and she’s like above this (the number of likes in this sentence is a fair representation of Blonde #6’s drunken speech to Arie.) Tia tells him she’s catching feels, and it’s hard to watch other girls catch feels and this little speech earns her the rose and this terrible, shit-show of a date finally ends.

Bekah M reveals her age
One-on-One date with Baby Bekah: I’m Looking for a Stable Relationship

In case you haven’t heard, Bekah is 22 years old. She’s been legally drinking for a year and she’s here to find a husband. I actually like Bekah, I think she’s been remarkably mature for her age, so far. But there is a 14 year difference between them and literally every girl in the house believes that when Arie finds out he will send her home. Arie doesn’t yet know, and he is catching feels HARD. They go horseback riding, look at the Lake, and get in the hot tub. They have a ton of chemistry, he is significantly less reserved with her. It’s a good look on him. Maybe it’s because she is the only one with a pixie cut so he doesn’t spend the first 15 minutes trying to remember which one she is and what they have already talked about.

They arrive at dinner and I do really like her, white wine drinking aside. But the bombshell has been dropped. Arie knows that she’s 22. He’s shocked but I think he’s with it. I think Bekah is worried that he is going to send her home so she explains that she comes from a family of people who got married young. Arie admits he isn’t sure she can be ready and that perhaps she hasn’t seen enough life to get married. His fears are warranted but he tells her that being with her and being in love and it not ending in marriage would be a waste of time because he needs a wife. Bekah, you might actually be too mature for him. Get the free vacation and then get out. In the end she gets the rose but he asks her to tell him if at any point she’s not feeling like he’s husband material.

Cocktail Party:

Sienne, Tia, and Bekah M. have roses, and everyone else is on edge. Chris Harrison walks in and SURPRISE there’s no cocktail party. We’re going straight to the rose ceremony! YES! So, there they all stand like birds in the wilderness and Arie picks up a rose and takes a deep breath and… Blonde #6 asks to speak with him. The girls are not happy about this, rightfully so. Arie cancelled the cocktail party and now she’s making her own cocktail party. I was worried for a second that this might end in no rose ceremony but we still have 12 minutes so here we go:

Blonde #45
Blonde #2
Becca K.
Blonde #18
Blonde #9
Blonde #6

I am sad to see Caroline go, I really liked her, but I forgot Brittany T. was even on the show. Arie kept all 5 blondes, the only blonde who went home was the one who took herself home when her grandpa died. We’ll never be able to tell them apart.

Highlight: There are two things worth watching, in the event you don’t feel like watching the full episode before tomorrow night: (1) Tia and Caroline pretending to be in a relationship and flirting with each other to get under Blonde #6’s skin when Arie puts his arm around her while they’re in the hot tub together. (Bonus is the look on Arie’s face when Caroline says “She sleeps with me every night.”) (2) During the credits Marikh approaches Blonde #45 about “glam-shaming” her. Marikh actually compares Blonde #45 calling her out for brushing her hair out during the wilderness date to slut-shaming or body-shaming. This actually happens. I hope Marikh goes home next week.

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